I'm now experiencing a lot of pain inside my heart. This past weeks I kept on asking myself of things like "should I give up" and "should I put a distance" you know something like that. And up to my blog(here) I said it's time to take a bye, but I can't get the fact that I'm almost giving him up, then suddenly he will came to stop me? I don't know and after that I just can say that "OK, I'll wait until he's mine again" just like that, and when I can almost see again that we're in a distant, I'm thinking again to stop being hypocrite, and the story goes again and again, he'll stop me and you know? My mind doesn't know what is the right to do. My friend, always remind him that I'm in pain, and here him again, saying "keep holding on, i will be back" and again I will expect such a damn things though I can see that he loves his other friends and he can't find a way to let them/her go.
Yesterday, I'm with him he told me that he will be with us, in the right time. I just don't know if that time will come. I cried this day, it's because he hugged me tight claiming that he knows that he is the one my friend blaming why I am like this. It's so rude I cried in front of him, he told me not to let go of him, just to have a faith, but how can I? He's with other. I can't understand myself if I'm in a jealousy stage or missing stage or what. Cause the girl he companion's with is a friend of mine too. I'm not angry to her, I just don't know.
Now, I became so pretentious girl which I'm not before. I pretend I'm still ok, even not. I pretend to act normal as I can even the pain slowly kills me. They are too sweet, to hard to see. I know that they are in the stage of moving on, but isn't too much? Can't they feel that many people are hurt by their sweetness? I don't think so. I know I have no right to act like this but i;ts just that IT HURTS.
I really need to know whats this feeling all about and how far I can wait for his love to become mine again? It's hard but I have to.♥.♥
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