MY BLOG!

Hi there my blog! I really really miss writing my thoughts here. I'm so sorry for being apart or should I say for not writing on you, because there's a problem with my computer and I really can't help about it. It took 2 weeks but hindi parin sya naaayos miss na miss ko na mag blog sayo. Madami ng nagyare about sakin, all the heartaches I feel it inside hindi ko malabas kasi wala ka. HUHU.
And then vcation pa namin sobrang daming nakapila na dapat kong gawin.hay..I miss you my blog!! i want to get updated everyday parang dati kaso kakailanganin ko pa mag rent eh.♥.♥

WHAT THE!?

Nabasa ko isa sa mga post nya sa wall sa facebook. eto nakalagay "Wag kang iiyak kahit mahalata mong masaya siya sa piling ng iba. Ni ang malungkot, iwasan mo. Malay mo, hiniling din niyang maging happy ka kahit na alam niyang hindi na pwede kasi wala na siya... xD" hindi ko napigilan mag react kasi naman noh kahit hindi directly para sakin yan, yan ba gusto nang gawin ko? hiniling nya ba na maging masaya ako kahit nasa piling na sya ng iba? ang sakit kaya nun. Nako! kung hiniling na na maging masaya ako kabaliktaran ung nangyaree naging malungkot ako. HUHU pero hindi nya alam haha. :) SMILE NALANG

Q&A

"maxado na xa mahina sa mga oras ngaun,,, mahal ko naman kau lahat e.. kaya nga lng.. sya ung mas nangangailangan.. kailangan nya ng poste na masasandalan para makatayo... something like that.. miss ko na kau... gusto ko ung kagaya dati.. kaya lng.. panu un mangyayari kung both sides may gap.. at ung both sides mahalaga sa akin.." sabi nya yan

alam myo ung reaction ko jan sobrang unsure.. hehe mejo natuwa ako kasi alam mo na caring talaga sya jan pero at one side, I felt loneliness again. At buti pa ung girl na tinutukoy nya jan may masasandalan hindi tulad ko WALA. Sabagay sya kasi madaming problema hindi gaya ko, INLOVE lang naman ako sa KAiBiGAN ko di ba? At hirap na hirap lang akong makita ung kaibigan ko na un inlove sa ibang babae. UN lang naman, NAPAKA hirap din at wala pa akong masandalan. NAisip ko tuloy ang mga bagay na ganito "Paano kaya kung ako ung manghina at kailangan ko ng masasandalan, handa kaya sya maging isang poste para sakin at para makatayo?" pero agad ko ding nasagot ung tanong na un eh cause obvious naman ung sagot "HINDI dahil inalay na nya ung sarili nya sa iba". Well that's life ma men! Tigil ko na tong kahibangan ko. Hate it. PERO PANO? tsk.

MY FIRST EVER POSTS.

There they are! I usually reblog for my tumblr account. But I realize I can make my own, even if it's not super bongga at least I express what I feel through my works of arts. I called it piece of art and I'm so proud to share it and post on my wall because it contains my OWN watermark. :P HERE they are. Not perfect but at least it a achievement.

TANGA AKO.

Tsk. Alam ko naman na masasaktan ako pag sumama pa ako sakanya pumunta sa mahal nya ee. Pero ano ung ginawa ko? sumama parin ako? Ang tanga ko! Tanga tanga ko. I hate it hindi ko kasi sya kayang MAHINDIAN. Pinalabas ko lang na CONSEQUENCE ung pag sama ko sakanya pero ang totoo ginusto ko narin na samahan sya! IHATEMYSELF, alam ko naman na ibibigay narin ung cellphone ko ngayong araw pero nagkunware pa ako na hindi ko alam.Ayun! sumama ako sa bahay ng mahal nya at as what I expect! NASAKTAN ako, hindi naman ng bonggang bongga pero nandun padin ung kirot. Isa pa ang tanga ng sarili ko super sinusuportahan ko ang LOVELIFE NILA kahit alam ko na masakit. Pero kahit papano totoo ung pagpapakita ko ng suporta sakanila un nga lang talagang NASASAKTAN na ako. SILA MASAYA ako TANGA na MALUNGKOT pa. I hide my feelings by smiling alot making fun jokes but inside I'M SUCH AN EPIC FAIL.

HiRAP NA AKO :(

Ang hirap umibig sa tinuturing mong kaibigan, kasi unang una hanggang KAIBIGAN nalang ung turing nya sayo. Tapos lahat ng kasiyahan nya at kalungkutan about sa minamahal nya saiyo nya nasasabi which hurts you alot. Then lahat ng care handa mong ialay para mapasaya sya pero sakanya wala lang or hindi kaya naman, appreaciated pero as a FRIEND lang talaga. Mahirap pag magkasama kayo tapos mag bobonding kayo, feeling mo sayo na sya tapos bigla nalang maiisip mo na hindi pala, na may mahal syang iba at hindi ikaw ung talagang magpapasaya sakanya. Ung tipong magkasama nga kayo pero iba naman ung nasaisip nya. At ang pinaka mahirap hindi mo masabi ung mga hinanakit/nararamdaman mo sakanya dahil hindi mo alam kung anong pwede mangyare after nun. Ganito ngayon ung lubos kong nararamdaman~ at kung babasahin mo lahat ng post ko, grabe! malalaman mo kung gaano kahirap mahalin ang isang FRiEND na tulad nya. MASAKiT ma MASARAP. :(

SLEEP OVER?

Oh my! mejo happy ang post ko ngayon kasi naman! first time ako natulog sa bahay ng classmate ko at lalaki pa! (sakanila. haha) Ganito kasi, pupunta kami sa Valenzuela ng 2am -- with the church members. Well kaya kinailangan naminng matulog sakanila kasama ko si Jasmine.
I'm so happy kasi naka bonding ko sya kahit sa maikling panahon lang. Kasi miss na miss ko na makasama sya dahil nga may other girl na sya. Parang un na ung time na ipinagka loob para kaming dalawa lang not totally naman kasi nandun si Jasmine. Ayun nanuod kami ng HSM1 and 3. Kumain ng kung anu-anong pagkain ice cream, buko salad,cornic,juice and kung ano ano pa. Haha uhmm nakapag suot din ako ng boxer shorts! haha hiniram ko ung boxer nya kasi ang init kahit naka-aircon na ung kwarto. Hindi namin natapos ung HSM3 dahil natulog na sila kahit na ang usapan walang tulugan. Well habang sila ni Jasmine natutulog ako nag lalaro ng Plantvs.Zombies at ng Feeding Frenzy... Naka one hour na silang tulog nung napag isip2 kong matulog narin -- 12am na ako na tulog then 1:30am kami ginising dahil aalis na. Ayun kain ng pancake, then hinatid na kami sa simbahan. Nagutom kami so nag Burger Machine kami~ grabe ung experience namin kasi nung bumibili kami ang daming lalaking tambay na parang gangster, natakot ako ng sobra nun hinawakan ko ung kamay nya tapos sabi ko "MONSTERS!" pero magkasama naman kami kaya ok lang ung feeling.
Nung paalis na ung sasakyan na susundo dun sa Jubilee Cross ayun inaantok daw sya, pinahiga ko sya sa braso ko, WEW di ba dapat ung girls ung humihiga sa boys? haha pero ok narin it only shows talaga na ako ung nag mamahal sakanya and ready ako mag sacrifice for him and sya deadma nalang. wew. Basta I'm so happy na makasama sya. Kahit alam ko na ung iba ang kailangan nya, masaya narin. :D

AFRAiD

Yes I'm in the state of realizing the fact. I knew that they're mutually inl♥ve, I know I can never be his girl. How to forget? I'm afraid to be broken all the time. Because I'm a type of girl that can't easily move on to the one I l♥ve. Each time I see my past there's something I felt. So how can I forget those stupid feelings on him? :( Paano ko sya pipiliting kalimutan kung araw araw makikita ko sya lalo lang akong ma-iinl♥ve sakanya at lalo lang din akong masasaktan. Tanggap ko sa sarili ko na wala na talaga, I wish them well and no hard feelings na. Pero ang gusto ko mawala ung pakiramdam ko sakanya. Ayoko na. Nasasaktan na akong sobra, hindi ko alam kung anong dapat gawin.:(

THE KiLLiNG FACT

♥.♥ I have to confess the truth. First I am unconditionally inl♥ve with HiM. And the fact that I'm hurt by whatever they do is that because I l♥ve him. I treat him not just my friend but a special to my heart. Now here's the killing fact I should accept; he cannot l♥ve me back of what I can give on him, because he l♥ves another girl. And another thing is that this girl is inl♥ve with HiM too. How do I know?

The girl confessed at me, not much but she said, she already fall for that guy I l♥ved. She had special feelings and they both l♥ve each other. It is so hard for e to accept, but what can I do? That's the fate. They became sweeter as the days passed, they have a mutual relationship, so how can I win HiM back? Another Painful truth; I give damn advice on their relationship, I don't know why I keep doing this but I'm sure that I gave advice truly from my heart and no doubts. Actually the girl I pointed out ang I are friends, in fact i l♥ve her, I want her to be happy so when she's down I'm there to help her. But I never imagine my life as this, just like I'm making myself hurt to make other feelings happy and satisfy. In short, I l♥ve a guy who is in l♥ve with another girl that confessed me that he also l♥ves the boy I l♥ve. And I slowly being their bridge, isn't so painful?

.HAPPY.

I'm happy for what happened this day. Yeah it may be simple conversation and everyone can have. But for me it was so, so beautiful conversation I had with him. It was our longest conversation(though it's in a chat) through it all. Kasi alam nyo feeling na lagi nalang iba ung kinakausap nya at take note gustong kausap, then pag nag uusap kami saglit lang. It was always like that. Then ngayon iba alam mo ung nag lalabas kami ng care sa isa't isa, and na appreciate ko pa kasi it was like pinapakita nya na I am so important to him. Kaso after namin nag usap, I felt sadness again, kasi sya ung unang nag end ng conversation.
I reminisced at naalala ko ung nangyari kanina sa church, magka tabi kami sa upuan then nung Our Father na syempre hawak-kamay portion, magka hawak kami, then bumitaw sya for reason kinuha nya ung nahulog na notebook. Naisip ko lang sa friend-relationship namin ngayon, natatakot ako na una syang bumitaw at iwanan nya ako para sa ibang bagay. Pero the good thing after naman nya pulutin ung nahulog na bagay eh, hinawakan nya uli ung kamay ko, which make me realize again na, siguro nga iniwan nya ako para sa isang bagay but babalik padin naman sya sakin no matter what. Ayon naguguluhan nanaman ako sa buhay ko. I want him and I want to be with him every time, kaso hindi pwede kasi nasa iba sya. I'm not jealous pero alam moun hindi ko sya makasama dahil nasa ibang tao sya, kahit na hindi naman sya pag aari nung girl na kasama nya pero binibigay nya ung sarili nya doon sa girl. Which I pity myself. But what can I do, un lang kaya nyang ibigay sakin. At pasalamat nalang siguro ako dahil nabibigyan nya pa ako kahit konti.
Chaka sabi naman nya wag ako bumitaw, dahil hindi nya ako iiwan hanggat kaya nya pa Well magulo man, ito ang buhay ko. It's rude to hear and you'll pity for it but I have to love and I have to treasure it. Cause my life is not that constant, I should learn to love what I have and not expect for things that is not meant for me.

NEEDS THE TRUTH

I'm now experiencing a lot of pain inside my heart. This past weeks I kept on asking myself of things like "should I give up" and "should I put a distance" you know something like that. And up to my blog(here) I said it's time to take a bye, but I can't get the fact that I'm almost giving him up, then suddenly he will came to stop me? I don't know and after that I just can say that "OK, I'll wait until he's mine again" just like that, and when I can almost see again that we're in a distant, I'm thinking again to stop being hypocrite, and the story goes again and again, he'll stop me and you know? My mind doesn't know what is the right to do. My friend, always remind him that I'm in pain, and here him again, saying "keep holding on, i will be back" and again I will expect such a damn things though I can see that he loves his other friends and he can't find a way to let them/her go.
Yesterday, I'm with him he told me that he will be with us, in the right time. I just don't know if that time will come. I cried this day, it's because he hugged me tight claiming that he knows that he is the one my friend blaming why I am like this. It's so rude I cried in front of him, he told me not to let go of him, just to have a faith, but how can I? He's with other. I can't understand myself if I'm in a jealousy stage or missing stage or what. Cause the girl he companion's with is a friend of mine too. I'm not angry to her, I just don't know.
Now, I became so pretentious girl which I'm not before. I pretend I'm still ok, even not. I pretend to act normal as I can even the pain slowly kills me. They are too sweet, to hard to see. I know that they are in the stage of moving on, but isn't too much? Can't they feel that many people are hurt by their sweetness? I don't think so. I know I have no right to act like this but i;ts just that IT HURTS.
I really need to know whats this feeling all about and how far I can wait for his love to become mine again? It's hard but I have to.♥.♥

THUMBS UP!

Hi there my dear blog. I won for the secretary position in the S.C. It's a pleasure to me that many of my schoolmates trust on my abilities. And a great opportunity for me that I can prove a lot more to improve our school. Gosh I am so happy for it. ♥.♥

SOMETHiNG NEW

OH MY... nabalitaan ko kanina sa school na madaming changes sa academics, like hindi na daw journalism ung pag aaralan next year kundi accounting!! DUH MATH un! di ko feel ang math mas guto ko pa journalism kesa dun. Chaka kung magyayari un, edi 2 na ung subject naming math.? wahhh pamatay kaya un. TSK. bakit ba lagi nalang bago kapag kami na ug nakasalang? hmmm

BYE.

Gosh First entry ko pala toh for the month of March. Well dahil another month na ito, I hve to start a new love life or to move on to my "new loveone" kasi hindi ko na kaya ang pag ka martir ko pa sakanya. It hurts me a lot, a lot to made me a decision of letting him go. I have to stop loving him. I felt lagi nalang akong naiiwan sa ere, ung pakiramdam na andito ako para sakanya pero iba naman ung hinahanap at kailangan nya. Isa pa sila naman ung nagkaka intindihan nung babaeng gusto nya, so anong papel ko sa love story nila? wala naman, I'M JUST NOTHING .. at un din ang pinadadama nya sakin, actually hindi lang pinadadama, pinapakita nya sakin na wala lang ako sakanya at hindi ko kayang maging babae para sakanya. Nasasaktan ako palagi tuwing mag kasama sila at masaya, samantalang kami/ako nalulungkot dahil iniwan na nya kami. shet sa pakiramdam un di ba? what more pa kaya ung sabihin nya na wala kaming pang unawa at mas naiintindihan sya ng iba nyang friends? masakit un, talagang nasasaktan ako. Anyway hindi ako galit sa girl na mahal nya or what ever, galit ako sakanya, naiinis ako. Each time nakikita ko silang mag kasama gusto kong wasakin ang pader. At nakakainis ung tawagan nila ah? I hate the feeling of this na. I'm not supposed to fall inlove with that guy but I accidentally did the wrong thing. Sa totoo lang kung hindi ko lang sya minahal, hindi ko magagawa ang mga bagay na nagawa ko na ngayon para sakanya. Una dapat hindi ako affected sa away ng iba, second sana ganun ka-strong padin ung relationship namin ng BBFF ko, pero dahil sa pagmamahal kong walang patutunguhan... nawala ung strong bond namin. Hindi naman sa nanunumbat ako, ginusto ko din naman un ee, pero di ba? sayang ung opportunities ko.. I have to let go my stupid feeling on such a damn person like you. Bye this maybe the last time to cry of you, to be so sad because of you. And to be hypocrite, because I just love you.