Jealous of the girls whom you are with whenever I'm not around. jealous of the girls whom you cared for a lot. Jealous of them. OHHHHH FUCK this LIFE. I am really in pain because of the jealousy brought to me of you hanging with other girls. I know I don't have any right because I'm just a friend, we're not in a relationship but this really bother me. i think of you everyday and night. Even in dreams, you are there. You're so special to me to feel this way. You to me are everything. But me to you is nothing. Hypocrite isn't it? I want to let go of this feeling but somehow i just can't let you go. I don't know my life without you. RUINED maybe. So what am I supposed to do? KiLL me now. It's just like seeing you with others, it's like the same. :(
So much SAD. PLEASE good vibes come to me? PLEASE
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Friday, November 26, 2010
Monday, November 22, 2010
WEEK OF HAPPiNESS ♥
I am so happy this week. I felt so special because of what things brought me. I am with people whom I cared of and love so much entirely my life. Of course one of those is James. I think he's the only reason why I do things, why I am happy. I don't know what it is but, I feel so much special whenever I am with this person. But I guess I am not falling in love with him just what everyone may think. HE is just SPECIAL and I don't wanna lose him, I mean I don't know my life if there's no James with it.
Anyway, My November 20 went great. Though it's perfectly tiring and a haggard day for me. So 20 is the date I set to be representative for Reuel. It's like our monthsary, should I say anniversary? for I've been celebrating it for almost three years?! But then he seems no idea about it so let's left it to me. Morning this day, around 5:30am to 8:00am I made our first video project. My partner is none other than my Kapatid James. After that I prepared myself because SC needs to go to school to serve as guide for the dance troupe. Our teachers are not around so we our tasked to do their obligations for awhile. After 3-4 hours guarding them, we got home. Yeah WE, I am with Kapatid, it's around 12:00nn and we need to finish at least our second video out of five -__- It took hours and I am happy even if we're not talking too much. And then Rheinalee went in our house, we will be heading to Ma'am Jody's house (it's her birthday today!) and yeah even we have schedule at 6pm(Jamboree till 7am next day) we went to her house and party party. I am so happy when I got there. Foods are not many as it is but I love the chicken served in front of me. And then the big deal there is, Ma'am Jody's nephew is some kind of a "oooh lala" He so appealing to my eyes and there comes a time that we share a stare to each other. I glimpse every second whenever he's not looking at me. XD
And then time pass by. we need to go home. We're late for the 6pm call time. Kapatid and I went to grocery to buy some stuff need in our Jamboree. I took a bath that made me so mabagal kumilos. And then someone texted me that Rheinalee is alreadt with them. Ending?! James and I we're left out. This is so made me smile like this :D -- Kapatid fetch me up in our house. OOH lala that's so sweet, for me. HAHA and then we took our journey in Sienna College (where Jamboree is to be held at). All in all, the Jamboree is fun. Kapatid and I we're tibe mate. "team yellow-sinag" I befriend to other schools and a lot of activities happened. My soul finds rest in spirit of Jesus. I reminisced moments and cherished it. We have a mass 12am. HAHA though I was so sleepy, still I enjoyed it a lot. Tiring but fun! :D
Anyway, My November 20 went great. Though it's perfectly tiring and a haggard day for me. So 20 is the date I set to be representative for Reuel. It's like our monthsary, should I say anniversary? for I've been celebrating it for almost three years?! But then he seems no idea about it so let's left it to me. Morning this day, around 5:30am to 8:00am I made our first video project. My partner is none other than my Kapatid James. After that I prepared myself because SC needs to go to school to serve as guide for the dance troupe. Our teachers are not around so we our tasked to do their obligations for awhile. After 3-4 hours guarding them, we got home. Yeah WE, I am with Kapatid, it's around 12:00nn and we need to finish at least our second video out of five -__- It took hours and I am happy even if we're not talking too much. And then Rheinalee went in our house, we will be heading to Ma'am Jody's house (it's her birthday today!) and yeah even we have schedule at 6pm(Jamboree till 7am next day) we went to her house and party party. I am so happy when I got there. Foods are not many as it is but I love the chicken served in front of me. And then the big deal there is, Ma'am Jody's nephew is some kind of a "oooh lala" He so appealing to my eyes and there comes a time that we share a stare to each other. I glimpse every second whenever he's not looking at me. XD
And then time pass by. we need to go home. We're late for the 6pm call time. Kapatid and I went to grocery to buy some stuff need in our Jamboree. I took a bath that made me so mabagal kumilos. And then someone texted me that Rheinalee is alreadt with them. Ending?! James and I we're left out. This is so made me smile like this :D -- Kapatid fetch me up in our house. OOH lala that's so sweet, for me. HAHA and then we took our journey in Sienna College (where Jamboree is to be held at). All in all, the Jamboree is fun. Kapatid and I we're tibe mate. "team yellow-sinag" I befriend to other schools and a lot of activities happened. My soul finds rest in spirit of Jesus. I reminisced moments and cherished it. We have a mass 12am. HAHA though I was so sleepy, still I enjoyed it a lot. Tiring but fun! :D
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Monday, November 15, 2010
HELL iN HAPPiNESS ♥
My title is so contrary isn't it?
Anyway, my morning isn't good. I know we're OK but he doesn't give damn on me. We're just like 'deadma' to each other. I'm not with him during recess. He's with our other friends and so I am. The fucking irritating truth, he is with SOMEONE whose taking advantage because we're not ok. And it really kills me to see that. I ate my meal with Tito Patrick. I lose my appetite. I am still depress. I hate how a little misunderstanding can ruin my whole WORLD. They went up earlier than us, and when I'm in the classroom he is looking for Kenneth and then he saw me. HE said "May meetint mamaya" and then switch glance to other thing. Can't focus on things I am up to. During our chemistry class, our teacher is commenting about her penmanship. She said that it wasn't nice and the Kapatid comment like this "alam mo na ung feeling ma'am? kung aalipusta mo ung sulat ko" then I know he is staring at me while smiling. I stare back and smile too. I know what he mean. It is Bestfriends instinct ;) But I just ignore that because after our class, I waited for him but he ignore me. Then I got the chance to be with him because of the meeting thing. I told him why he does ignore me all the time and he answered it's because his not in the mood to do it so. After that the real US went back. You know the feeling of being free from all the heartaches, worries and all that. I am HAPPY now. Really really happy. I could die now. :D LOLJK but I felt deep happiness afterwards. He made my day complete.♥
Anyway, my morning isn't good. I know we're OK but he doesn't give damn on me. We're just like 'deadma' to each other. I'm not with him during recess. He's with our other friends and so I am. The fucking irritating truth, he is with SOMEONE whose taking advantage because we're not ok. And it really kills me to see that. I ate my meal with Tito Patrick. I lose my appetite. I am still depress. I hate how a little misunderstanding can ruin my whole WORLD. They went up earlier than us, and when I'm in the classroom he is looking for Kenneth and then he saw me. HE said "May meetint mamaya" and then switch glance to other thing. Can't focus on things I am up to. During our chemistry class, our teacher is commenting about her penmanship. She said that it wasn't nice and the Kapatid comment like this "alam mo na ung feeling ma'am? kung aalipusta mo ung sulat ko" then I know he is staring at me while smiling. I stare back and smile too. I know what he mean. It is Bestfriends instinct ;) But I just ignore that because after our class, I waited for him but he ignore me. Then I got the chance to be with him because of the meeting thing. I told him why he does ignore me all the time and he answered it's because his not in the mood to do it so. After that the real US went back. You know the feeling of being free from all the heartaches, worries and all that. I am HAPPY now. Really really happy. I could die now. :D LOLJK but I felt deep happiness afterwards. He made my day complete.♥
Friday, November 12, 2010
11-12-10
This day is a bit hard for me. The half part of the day went good. We played volleyball(Kapatid and I were Teamates) I'm happy within it though. Suddenly after our school class, Kapatid and I done something (Student Council Thing). -- I don't wanna elaborate things because it drives me crazy. And then we had a misunderstanding :( He is so mad at me. I am scared and i don't know what to do. You know that I don't want anyone to get mad at me esp. HIM! :( But then I got home with super sad feelings. My mom isn't home so I cried a lot. I love him very much. But what can I do? I've done mistake. Moments ago, I texted him and said Sorry, this goes like this: "Kapatid sorry kanina ah. Hindi kita makausap kasi ayoko sabayan yung pagkabadtrip mo. Wag ka na magalit pls?gud nyt" It took me much minutes to send it so. And then I got his reply "Hmm.Forget it" I don't know what he really means and if we're ok. But my feelings are still. SAD! Then I fell asleep. Maybe too much sadness brought me so and too much cry.
THE NEXT DAY: 11/13/10
Ooh, We had a family bonding. I supposed to be happy and enjoy this day but I AM DEPRESS! yes totally depress. Of course because of it again plus the fact that his GM's are making me feel so jealous. (Stating that he loves his GIRL FRIENDS) T.T
(I'll make a story on our bonding next time. If I'm in mood)
11/14/10
CHURCH DAY. I saw him. He served 3rd mass which I also did. During communion, we had an eye-to-eye contact. I saw in his eyes the uncomfortable feelings that he have seen me. :( This made my day more depressing than the other day. I hate the feelings i get. I know that I should forget it because he told me so, but uhhhhhhh IDK.:(
I am still sad. I'm hoping for the better US tomorrow. :(
THE NEXT DAY: 11/13/10
Ooh, We had a family bonding. I supposed to be happy and enjoy this day but I AM DEPRESS! yes totally depress. Of course because of it again plus the fact that his GM's are making me feel so jealous. (Stating that he loves his GIRL FRIENDS) T.T
(I'll make a story on our bonding next time. If I'm in mood)
11/14/10
CHURCH DAY. I saw him. He served 3rd mass which I also did. During communion, we had an eye-to-eye contact. I saw in his eyes the uncomfortable feelings that he have seen me. :( This made my day more depressing than the other day. I hate the feelings i get. I know that I should forget it because he told me so, but uhhhhhhh IDK.:(
I am still sad. I'm hoping for the better US tomorrow. :(
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
TEXT ♥
"Sa isang text mo lang, napapawi na lahat ng kalungkutang nadarama ko. lahat ng pait napapalitan ng tuwa. Hay Paano pa ako makakapag move on nyan? Mahal kita yan palagi ang sigaw ng puso ko, pero sa tuwing nasasaktan ako sa mga ginagawa mo, gusto ka ng kalimutan ni isip ko. Ikaw ang dahilan ng aking pagluha, ngunit ikaw rin ang nagbibigay liwanag sa kadilimang aking nadarama,ikaw na nagbibigay ng ligaya't saya. Paano na kung lumbay nalang at mawala ka na? Kaya ko pa kayang harapin ang bukas ng nagiisa?"
FUCK YEAH!. My heart screams. And it only screams and beats for you. How can I move on? How could I if half part of me says I'm better hold on. -____- Please free my heart! Please. I'm in hurt and pain. Because of this shits you've made. I'm sorry I am just inlove with a person who only treats me like a younger sister.! HELL :(
FUCK YEAH!. My heart screams. And it only screams and beats for you. How can I move on? How could I if half part of me says I'm better hold on. -____- Please free my heart! Please. I'm in hurt and pain. Because of this shits you've made. I'm sorry I am just inlove with a person who only treats me like a younger sister.! HELL :(
Monday, November 1, 2010
HALLOWEEN iN PAiN
Hi there! November 1! Feels great to have new month. But how can i be happy if my heart is mourning in death? Feels like I was buried with love I felt for this boy which I totally can't seem to move on. I can't let go of him. So this is what I get - SADNESS, PAiN, FRUSTRATiONS. Owww please I want to live simple and happy. Having life easier as it can be. But HOW the HELL can I? If these feelings kills me. Yes I am alive-breathing but this heart of mine-senseless. So hopeless of my situation. Hmm I am hoping for a better life since I turned 15 last October 30. PLEASE? PLEASE? Fuck yeah! Happy Halloween Guys! Happy Mourning on me! >______<.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)