For the last hour, for the last minute, for the last second. I want to hear from you that YOU LOVE ME. But how can you say those words to me when your truly madly in love with someone else? And it hurts me more that I'm not that girl.
I love you every second of my life. Every night I dream of you, still missing you.
Sorry for being fool,being selfish. I miss the way we laugh ,the way we talk at night, and the sweetest moments we have.
But You broke my heart and I'm so much in pain ,pain that I can't bear, pain that can't easily gone.
Now, I'm moving on , I want to forget all the thing we used to do. But how? How can I move on from that moment when all remind me of you .
Every morning I wake up, I still hoping that your name will appear in my inbox, hoping that you'll remember me, hoping that you'll miss me..
The sweet smiles, the butterflies in my stomach whenever I'm with you, already gone. Now I'm all in pain. It fades away. Please come back to me.
I love you ,even though it hurts.
IT HURTS T________________T
Friday, June 24, 2011
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
COLD SUMMER NiGHTS?
Naa- ah. Hi Blog it's been a couple of months since the last time I wrote here. A lot of wonderful stories happened and a memories to share. Anyway I don't know how to begin but let me explain (?) why I didn't have the chance to spill it out. It's because my internet connection has been cut. Awful days of my life. But not much, though it kills me not to stay too long for computer.
Let's get started :) Remember Christian Ivann Tan? The guy I'm telling you from my previous post? I thought he's gonna quit courting me. But I was wrong. He is so flexible and so patient in me. Even if I refuse him so many times, he is still continuing to communicate with me.
Now, I'm letting him in my life. I entertain him and we exchange text messages to each other. I am doing this because I find myself happy with him. I told myself not to fall for him but it is so hard, I can't say I can do it nyahahaha. All of a sudden, he make my life complete. I feel so much inlove and each time we communicate I feel that we are one. That we are in a relationship, but we are not. I don't want to be his girlfriend but I want him, I just want to have justice on what did I said last time that not all girls can be his.
So we started from April 12 I guess until now and I am happy because he is patient with me. I knew that he was liking me since March 28. Though sometimes we are quarreling, but after that we ended up sweet to each other, saying sorry for our faults. I find it sweet even I cried if we have quarrels because I think we are really couple ^^ You know I did cry because I'm hurt, and I am afraid that he will be gone far away if our quarrel stay for long. I am afrai to lose him.
As the days past, I planned to escape him. I planned not to text him so that this feeling will not get worst, so I will not fall inlove with him deeply. But I guess it's too late. Every time I tried to do this plans, I can't resist, I can't stand for too long and give up. End up missing him. And his sweet messages makes me weak. So weak and I find myself going back to him, the usual things we do.
It came to a point that he calls me. Even though we have nothing to say, we are happy hearing each others voice. He is soo sweet, no wonder every girls fall in love with him.
My thoughts of him of being a pervert is totally wrong. Girls are perverting him he may entertain them but he has only one love. And during that time, I feel that I the one really loves.
Let's get started :) Remember Christian Ivann Tan? The guy I'm telling you from my previous post? I thought he's gonna quit courting me. But I was wrong. He is so flexible and so patient in me. Even if I refuse him so many times, he is still continuing to communicate with me.
Now, I'm letting him in my life. I entertain him and we exchange text messages to each other. I am doing this because I find myself happy with him. I told myself not to fall for him but it is so hard, I can't say I can do it nyahahaha. All of a sudden, he make my life complete. I feel so much inlove and each time we communicate I feel that we are one. That we are in a relationship, but we are not. I don't want to be his girlfriend but I want him, I just want to have justice on what did I said last time that not all girls can be his.
So we started from April 12 I guess until now and I am happy because he is patient with me. I knew that he was liking me since March 28. Though sometimes we are quarreling, but after that we ended up sweet to each other, saying sorry for our faults. I find it sweet even I cried if we have quarrels because I think we are really couple ^^ You know I did cry because I'm hurt, and I am afraid that he will be gone far away if our quarrel stay for long. I am afrai to lose him.
As the days past, I planned to escape him. I planned not to text him so that this feeling will not get worst, so I will not fall inlove with him deeply. But I guess it's too late. Every time I tried to do this plans, I can't resist, I can't stand for too long and give up. End up missing him. And his sweet messages makes me weak. So weak and I find myself going back to him, the usual things we do.
It came to a point that he calls me. Even though we have nothing to say, we are happy hearing each others voice. He is soo sweet, no wonder every girls fall in love with him.
My thoughts of him of being a pervert is totally wrong. Girls are perverting him he may entertain them but he has only one love. And during that time, I feel that I the one really loves.
Monday, April 11, 2011
PSEUDO RELATIONSHIP ♥
Yung tipong ginagawa nyo yung mga ginagawa ng magsyota pero hindi kayo. Yung tipong mukha kayong committed para sa isa’t isa pero hindi. Yung tinatawag ka nyang “Baby”, “Honey”, “Babe” at kung anu ano pa pero petnames lang at walang deep meaning? Oo. Yung sinasabi nyong MU o Mutual Understanding kasi mutual yung nararamdaman nyo para sa isa’t isa. Pseudo Relationship ang tawag dyan. Yung more than friends nga kayo, pero hindi naman kayo lovers. Malamang isa sa inyo nagtapat na ng nararamdaman o dalawa kayong nagtapat, pero hindi pa sapat yun. Yung walang pormal na panliligaw na nangyayari pero mukha kayong nagliligawan. Pinagdesisyonan nyo lang talagang maging magkasama o sweet sa isa’t isa. You both acted as if it was the real thing but in reality, it isn’t.
Madaming dahilan kung ba’t nangyayari ang ganito. Pwedeng kakagaling lang sa break up tas natatakot lang na i-commit yung sarili nya kasi ayaw na nyang masaktan at maiwan ng dahil lang sa paulit-ulit na dahilan. Minsan takot lang talaga nyang ipakita at i-invest yung totoong nararamdaman nya para sa tao. Minsan, pang-rebound lang. O minsan talaga, laro lang. Na akala mo may meaning na lahat ng sinasabi nya, pero naga-assume ka lang. Hindi mo naman pwedeng ituring na “SECOND BEST” ka kasi hindi naman kayo. Tulad ng sabi nila: “An almost but not quite relationship”
Kumbaga, para kayong naglalaro eh. Wag ka lang mag-assume o magpatalo kasi ang rule neto “Laro tayo. Mainlove, talo” Wag kang magpapauto sa laro ng mga emosyon. Wag mo muna masyadong asahan at magtiwala kasi sa huli, pag ikaw nga e nahulog, talo ka naman talaga. Kasi di mo rin alam ang takbo ng utak ng tao na yan. Malay mo, ayaw naman nya talaga. Eh nainlove ka nga, so ang gagawin nya, para mawala yang nararamdaman mo para sa kanya, iiwan ka rin nya sa ere. Wala naman akong sinasabing pigilan. Pero wag ka lang magexpect na yang pseudo relationship nyo, eh magiging realidad at maging kayo talaga.
Ano bang dapat na gawin pag nahulog ka na? Ano ba? Eh mas maganda yan kung parehas kayo ng nararamdaman ng ka-MU mo. Tapos. Edi happily ever after. Pero kung hindi yun ang nangyari, talo ka kasi nasira mo yung rules ng laro. Alam mo naman kasi na from the start, isa sa inyo maiinlove at ang isa hindi. Wala ka namang dapat sisihin kasi ikaw din mismo may gusto. Naghahanap ka ng lugar mo sa kanya, pero wala naman talaga. You’re asking for more, which is too much for your playmate.
So why would you choose to settle with this kind of relationship kung pwede ka namang makahanap nung taong alam mong kinalulugaran mo at alam mong mamahalin ka? Although sometimes the feelings are real pero you don’t know kung gusto nya o hindi. In a pseudo relationship, there’s no US. There’s YOU and ME and not US. Pati yung sakit na nararamdaman mo, Pseudo parin kasi mas masakit pa siya sa inakala mo. At ang mas masakit dun, ikaw lang yung nasaktan.
Madaming dahilan kung ba’t nangyayari ang ganito. Pwedeng kakagaling lang sa break up tas natatakot lang na i-commit yung sarili nya kasi ayaw na nyang masaktan at maiwan ng dahil lang sa paulit-ulit na dahilan. Minsan takot lang talaga nyang ipakita at i-invest yung totoong nararamdaman nya para sa tao. Minsan, pang-rebound lang. O minsan talaga, laro lang. Na akala mo may meaning na lahat ng sinasabi nya, pero naga-assume ka lang. Hindi mo naman pwedeng ituring na “SECOND BEST” ka kasi hindi naman kayo. Tulad ng sabi nila: “An almost but not quite relationship”
Kumbaga, para kayong naglalaro eh. Wag ka lang mag-assume o magpatalo kasi ang rule neto “Laro tayo. Mainlove, talo” Wag kang magpapauto sa laro ng mga emosyon. Wag mo muna masyadong asahan at magtiwala kasi sa huli, pag ikaw nga e nahulog, talo ka naman talaga. Kasi di mo rin alam ang takbo ng utak ng tao na yan. Malay mo, ayaw naman nya talaga. Eh nainlove ka nga, so ang gagawin nya, para mawala yang nararamdaman mo para sa kanya, iiwan ka rin nya sa ere. Wala naman akong sinasabing pigilan. Pero wag ka lang magexpect na yang pseudo relationship nyo, eh magiging realidad at maging kayo talaga.
Ano bang dapat na gawin pag nahulog ka na? Ano ba? Eh mas maganda yan kung parehas kayo ng nararamdaman ng ka-MU mo. Tapos. Edi happily ever after. Pero kung hindi yun ang nangyari, talo ka kasi nasira mo yung rules ng laro. Alam mo naman kasi na from the start, isa sa inyo maiinlove at ang isa hindi. Wala ka namang dapat sisihin kasi ikaw din mismo may gusto. Naghahanap ka ng lugar mo sa kanya, pero wala naman talaga. You’re asking for more, which is too much for your playmate.
So why would you choose to settle with this kind of relationship kung pwede ka namang makahanap nung taong alam mong kinalulugaran mo at alam mong mamahalin ka? Although sometimes the feelings are real pero you don’t know kung gusto nya o hindi. In a pseudo relationship, there’s no US. There’s YOU and ME and not US. Pati yung sakit na nararamdaman mo, Pseudo parin kasi mas masakit pa siya sa inakala mo. At ang mas masakit dun, ikaw lang yung nasaktan.
An almost but not quite relationship ♥
So he is Christian Ivann Tan. I met him not personally, but on Facebook. He's quite handsome, sweet, thoughtful, caring but he is a pervert. Yeah I've known him since this January 2011 started. He is so playful when it comes to girls. I just got the chance to know him because of my non-biological mom, Joyce. He courts Joyce but he was just got dumped. We began to start our friendship even though he stopped courting Joyce. He used to call me "Ate" and I call him "Kuya". Too much time passed, we never get sympathy of each other until this April. He approach me via Facebook chat and then he just ask how am I now, and I just said that I am ok. I asked him who's his girl and told me none. I was shock because he always got new girls around believing that he could get anyone he likes. Began this thought. he tried to court me either. I rode at him but may intention was to make fool of him (Happy April Fools!) I made this decision to make him realize that not everybody could be him and somewhat use to call "EX". I planned to make him fall in love me at sarcastic point. We did texting, chat, stayed late talking to him and such damn things. We talked about so many things and I learned a lot from him and him too. But then I saw my self smiling whenever I got texts to him (who's not? he is sooo sweet, I admit it) I got quite a bit jealous whenever I saw his wall with perverts. HEY! I asked myself, Am I falling in love with this man? Oh come on! How can I? This is so wrong. Mom Joyce and Daddy Kimuel asks me if I'm ok, and if I want some back up, I said I can handle it. I took deep realization of what to do, I was thinking to say yes, but then I resist it. I have to support my stand that not all girls can be his. So this night, I PMed him with ":P" he asked me what's my height and then I told I'm 5'2 and he said "bakit ka nagkasya sa puso ko? ♥" I just laugh at him and then we got serious talk. He asked what's my answer. I took a long time to say that I don't want to. HELL YEAH. I still doubt but then I have to say NO. He is so lonely, I'm guilt. But what should I do? that's just right for him T_T I'm not sure about him, if he is telling the truth. I'm guilt, I love him too. I love him. No doubt about that. And I must admit that I will be missing him. I'll be missing his texts, goodnights, iloveyous, and all that. I will miss the whole him. Am I rude? I'm just protecting myself? I though fooling him is easy and make me happy but then I end up hard to let go and unhappy. For sure he tomorrow, he will love a new girl. :( I am so damn. For the second time, I hurt a guy. I fool myself that I don't need them. cry cry cry cry cry.
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